dear world, i cant handle you

i have trouble breathing sometimes, and i fight back tears that are going to be the end of me. this is weakness at it's strongest which is kind of weird when you think about it- if you can even think anymore. worst day ever topped off by heartless displays of no restraint and words slung at open wounds. i guess its my own fault for leaving myself open. everyone wins and i don't care because i never tried to. i never made life a game, and maybe if i had i'd be more successful at it.

i told you i dont want you so stop trying to push me away more- im gone. and so are you as far as i am concerned. leave me alone. you only make things worse when i thought they were as bad as they could get. seek help.

time is all i've got and i'm running out of it by my own will- if this is 'time' then i want to sleep past it. lies are what you imagine and excuses never seem to run out.

allie- if i fall short of finishing my two books i hope you finish them for me, you know both ideas.

i love you. but is this ever enough to keep going? im calling in sick (of myself) tomorrow.