am i more disappointed in the lies or in me for believing them?

the way the sun radiates against the snow almost makes it feel like a bright stage light on a prop set built in 30 rushed minutes but i am still walking through it with the innocence of a child believing in santa, saying every line you want to hear as convincingly as i am convinced. like maybe they DID build rome in a day. like maybe that is all life really is, just fake props and fake people with scripted lines and blood about as real as fairydust. its sad there are people out there still unable to grow and learn from every experience and change from it as much as i have and for the better. thats the only reason i dont roll my eyes and retaliate- keep in mind the best revenge really is ignoring. letting negative people under your skin only keeps them on your arm. i dont get it. its not like im not trying to win a popularity contest or anything, if i was id be disappointed when i was sent home the second round. i am happy with the friends i have. sunday boring sunday. i want a quick way to drain every idea out of my head and into a spine. a success. i'm more impatient with myself than anyone else could ever be. i just cant wait to be above all the shit-talking and shit-stalking.