i always remember how to swim just before i'm about to sink, and it involves pulling you down with

i guess it doesnt matter so much anymore after all- impressing everyone i mean. surprise, surprise. after a while you realize that even the best films ever made and the best books ever written have bad reviews. youre a star in the eyes of who you matter to- and that is what matters. to those that you dont they wont ever see past the talk and the tabloids, the lies and the speculation. but tabloids stay in business for a reason and thats because lies are always more fascinating. lies are always more interesting.

and lies sell.

let me be honest- you think you know me but i dont even know me anymore so how can you? how can you know me when i dont even have all the details down. im whatever i feel like being and nothing else. over the years ive just been clay waiting for a fitting mold. only a few things about me are truly me- my likes, dislikes, what i love. those never change. everything else... well, maybe that is what makes me me- always trying to be someone im not because i'm not happy with who i am. but is anyone ever happy with who they are? im only ever happy with my sense of humor- everything else id love to rearrange and change. all i can do is exist and if i am not doing it right to you then pretend i don't.

one thing i've noticed is how you can't really trust certain people on this site, and how your best friend will turn around and shittalk you to me and then smile and leave you loving testimonials with html hearts. i almost pmed you the convo. i almost emailed it. but nah, you deserve to be used since you are a user. i deserve to get to laugh when you finally realize it for yourself. im just glad my "best" friends dont talk shit on me, and i know what they say they mean.

so yeah, i guess there's a lot about me that screams pathetic- but why are you listening if you really don't care? and i guess there's a lot about me that seems pitiful- but no one makes you pay attention. why are you keeping tabs? why are you reading this? why is it so interesting? why are you interested?

most of all... there are plenty of other people to give your time to- people that want it. i don't.