"drops a coin in the jukebox not the phone on the wall"

im reminded why i stopped being nice to everyone,
being nice means putting your spine on hold.
i cant afford to do that anymore.
no matter what this is where i end up.
most hated,
my stomach is in "nots".
every vein just leads to disaster and dead ends,
dead beginnings.
we killed off originality cause too many people were doing it.
the motivation to prove people wrong took a sharp u-turn.
being better than this is still being worse off.
this is why people disappear for years.
for ever.
this is why they change their name.
why they drop off the face of the earth.
lost and trying to not be found.
a map held upside down on purpose.
still it somehow makes sense.
sometimes the back of a milk carton purposely faces the back of the fridge.
the back of your mind.
part of me wants to take a pen and a plan and leave for a while-
but i've never been one to make people happy.