just keeping you on the edge of your seat in the hopes you fall off it

i'm not saying i'm better than you, just that i'm happy and you're not.
which technically.. is better.
being trashed is better than being thrown away.
being wasted is better than being garbage.
what one person doesn't want someone else wouldn't dream of letting go.

sure i may be a doormat,
but im not one that says youre welcome on it.
since even doormats wear out sometimes you should find a new one.

on the same hand i want to meet someone i cant replace.
someone that can be wrong sometimes or just say they are to end a fight- because i mean more than that to them.
someone i cant shrug off as another loss when i lose them.
first impressions are the worst because no one is ever like they seem the first day you meet them.
sometimes that is good though.
so many people dislike me because i'm honest.
or maybe because they wish they could be too.
little known secret- id rather make your day than ruin it.
but i guess either way you let me make an impact-
not a lot of people have that effect on someone.
i have it on everyone.

i envy the way she forgives like i always want to, but i know i never can.
but it makes me respect her that much more.
there is so much i can learn from her already but id rather talk than write notes.
i wish i could get outside of my own head- not into yours,
but close enough that i could be.

things i'll look back on and say i made it happen:
i want to write the book you can't put down before bed.
the book you're an hour late to work reading to get to the end.
i want to write the book you wish you wrote.
the book you've always wanted to read.
i want to write the book that changes your mind.
not a book that changes the world- but that puts changes into the world.
i want to change how people look at pages- not as numbered, more like extinct.
a book that reads like you went to a movie without the additional cost of $10 popcorn and soda.
i want my book to be on your nightstand because you want to read it again and there will be details you missed.
most of all i want to hear you love my writing.
i want to be on first name basis with all the best writers- and they go from idols to peers. to people.
and think about it, there aren't any famous authors with my name. yet.
maybe i'm aiming too high but did anyone ever tell nasa they couldn't reach for the stars?
probably- but they did anyway.

i am anyway.

"every time you go away, take a piece of me with you"