i want to be known for writing about the best things she ever felt

i could have died by now a few times. not by my choice. when my mom was pregnant with me she fell on ice. that counts. at 5 i almost drowned in a pool. a few years ago i almost went fucking broke. and last year i was two seconds away from being hit by a truck- by the way- what good does it do anyone when they honk after they almost hit you? it's not like you're going to chase after the damn thing and hop in front of it again. but yeah, i've narrowly escaped death before and it always makes me think there's a reason for it. like i'm still around because whatever my purpose in this left was i haven't met it yet. i don't think death is something to wish on anyone, so anyone wishing it on me is wasting their time. i keep making it out alive.

it's so weird, how people know me that i don't know, and i think i'm letting it get to my head. but it's the good kind of motivation i need, like... it's kind of insane. people need a good reason to know me. i can't wait until the ones that don't know me yet do. within 5 years i know i'm going to make it big. 5 days if i do something crazy like hop a plane and sit outside of some famous author's house waiting to see if they'll write my book for me once i babble on about my idea. convincingly. nah i can do it myself, i just suck at writing detail. what am i even saying? i think even if i have to pay to have a book published myself i will.

anyway, so this was supposed to be the month i met my soulmate, assuming it this year. my palm reader hasn't been proven wrong yet, so i doubt she was this time. besides if i learned anything from x-files, your soulmate can be pretty much anybody. you just run into them every lifetime. i think it's more than just a chance encounter. whatever optimism i lost about finding love and being happy, i have it restored. it keeps me going when i'd rather just stop. so thank you for that.