its less about taking a gamble and more about the loss

the sleeping pill i didnt want to take takes the last forms of livliness from me for the night as heavy eyes try to focus on the glow of the moniter that has grown to be the only thing i know. tomorrow isn't ever a day it's a new attempt to break this curse i put on myself from every good intention i ever made turned bad. the irony of yawning to stay awake in a world i'd rather sleep through. tired of the saying "how would you feel in my shoes" because no one can reproduce loss and love, everyone handles situations differently and no two situations are ever the same- sorry if i seem insensitive, it's because i am. i've never been there. taking chances is about the hardest thing to do- its so much easier to go with the certain, the guarenteed. no one wants to lose yet i've heard of people that go to the casino and gamble away whole paychecks- stubborn to the last cent. i can relate. i'm never ready to admit i lost and always hopeful to come back from behind. sucks when you realize you turned down a chance you should have taken. i think that is really all life is- risks. chances. decisons. choices. i still can't decide if getting to know you was a good or bad decision i've made.

oh well this isn't making sense and i cant keep my eyes open any longer. goodnight.