i always wanted to write like this but look at the costs

want to see a gypsy to trade this life for something better.
want to hear the lies that its going to get better,
that i got the thick skin needed to get there.
whats worse- wasting time with wishing or believing such bullshit.
"things will get better."
meanwhile i'm hanging on but losing grip-
a thread away from giving up.
less and less sleep.
im falling apart a little more every time i open my eyes.
its like i know i might as well be awake while i still can.
its almsot over.
i hate sleeping because no matter what i dream its a better place.
i hate waking up and realizing where i am-
or more- where i am not.
yawns to keep me awake or put me back to sleep.
the safe place.
what hurts worse- barely living or slowly dying?
trick question, same thing.
what started out as a sick joke is now becoming a blueprint.
but only if i can even make it that long.
my best thought out plans come off as suicide notes.
my life story sounds like one big apology, "sorry."
"lifespan" but i'll be the first to admit ive yet to have a life.
i cant even look in the mirror and see the same person looking back everytime.
ive gotten more and more sloppy- with chores and you.
given the chance to make things better, you only make them worse.
but how can you save me anyway-
when you need help yourself?
i feel invisible- not that you can't see me, just that noone does.
i cant make this feeling go away.
i start to think it will but i realize im not needed.
seems like the sun comes out a lot less now.
if this is what it feels like please make me stop feeling.
part of me wants it to be the end of the world so i'm done suffering alone.
i dont even want to be around anymore.
things are only getting worse instead of better.
the sky will still be gray whether im around to see it or not.
you won't be late to work.
you won't lose any sleep.
life will go on without mine.
i won't even have left a mark.