sleep is only for people who don't need it

cannot possibly lower my standards for friendship any lower without having any and yet still facing day to day disappointments. i don't think i ask for a lot. it doesn't matter if i did- it wouldn't be heard anyway.

fuck.

i hope i am never desperate enough to talk to you again- it is borderline always your lucky day and borderline always my worst. i don't know if i would be happier with the attention you'd mask as only for me or if i would be playing russian roulette every day waiting for you to fuck me over again. whatever.

was i supposed to learn a lesson this life? all i've learned is how to get continually put on the back burner and burned. both out of sight and out of my mind. i'd like a restart at any time.

speaking of restarts- i keep giving second chances only for them to die on the same level as they did before. bummer.