i cut ties like i'm a designer.

we figured you out and i wish you were too complicated to understand because it's a lot easier when you can pretend someone is a better person than they are. when they seem real. we're all dying just some of us have a head start. take a break from typing and spying to catch up on the latest trends on your friends page. whatever catches your eye catches your wallet until you are what you see and forget who you were five minutes ago. any depth to you would shock us all. you might just be the best thing that happened to me but at this point i want anything else. at this point i don't care. fabricate this relationship into a carbon copy of your last while you twirl extensions like you saw audrey kitching wearing. the lies you said about her make me wonder what ones you've got in store for me. you only think this happens in movies- two ex lovers talk about you and finish eachother's sentences because they've both heard the same thing told to "only them". it's like someone had let her snoop through my aim logs and repeat verbatum every "you're the only one that..." you ever said to me. maybe you ran out of new lines and were copying and pasting them from your own logs. there is no one else like me, just her, oh yeah and her. maybe more we don't know. (re)production factory line. i may not have much but at least i have my own taste in anything, not constantly borrowing someone else's. instead of using someone else's journal to check my journal have someone else check your head. breathe in what you are and you might just die of suffocation. i'll be fingers crossed hoping for the best (for me, not you) so i guess nothing else matters but the nerves in my stomach chasing out whatever butterflies don't need a home anymore. from now on only doctors and god are in control of my fate, not you.

oblivious vs too late

i am not in the best mood actually and i have a legit reason why. let me explain- i hope i am overreacting but it's hard not to when the facts are right there. every little wrong feeling escalates into something bigger than i can control. it's nothing, nothing. the things i tell myself to keep the calm here and the nerves away. it's nothing, nothing. yet she had the same thing wrong with her. it's nothing, nothing, unless i'm too late.

ps- awesome play the disappearing game again play it all your life and then wonder where your life went when you try to flip back to those bookmarked pages and everything wasn't how you remember it and there is nothing that hasn't changed. you'll find the words washed off the pages and they're blank again, or rewritten like in the neverending story. maybe when everyone that ever meant anything to you is gone/dead you'll clutch that quote unquote kitchen knife and say those habitual threats about how you're "two viens away from joining them" you'll know the value of life and death this time. or maybe you'll just grow up and learn to love yourself and put a yellow rose on the grave of every person that died during their efforts to do the same.