wolverine and dr. jean grey

this has no ending and it has no real beginning.
my head is just a mess right now.
"i am living inside of a song that has not been written yet, but when it has been i can be set free."
it makes sense and it doesn't. it just depends who is listening. and if anyone is, ever.
your hand always feels cold but i'm not sure mine feels anything.
does anyone anymore? or are we all trying too hard?
being lied to makes it easy to stop loving someone, because they're not the person you loved anymore.
i'm surprised dating ads don't read: i want to meet someone that is real.
but no one wants the truth until they're lied to.
we all have a mind of our own, it just doesn't feel that way when you want to go against the crowd. you can feel the stares, the glares, the arguements ahead of time.
and we sit and rot like useless decorations outside of a useless place with useless people walking by our useless lives.
swing your feet and stories, turn the tables and stomachs.
not everyone likes you, but not everyone hates you.
you will lose more than you'll ever win in life.
people don't fall out of love if they were ever really in it, they just change their minds.
like love is a cigarette that has almost burned out, and you don't know when you are taking the last drag. and when it's time to burn another one.
another definition of love is what they need to look up.
"yeah, i don't love you but i could if i knew you..."
..or, maybe it's that i know you too well and that is the problem.
like every time they blink you expect a change of emotions.
some people can do that. i am not one of them.
i hang in there until the bitter end. through that and past it, too. i deserve whatever i get just for being so fucking gullible.
she only wants me when there is a smile on my face but she never put it there herself. can't remember an effort or her trying to.
however, that said;
she finds it logical to get mad at the one person that can.
she wants me to smile but then she kills it if she wasn't the reason for it.
why would i even want to talk to her anymore?
...
i'm afraid to die alone, even though i've made it this far on my own.
we lie to be someone we think will be liked, and when it doesn't work we're stuck being that someone we don't like.
i smile because this sounds familiar, and i can feel it coming.
not because i'm happy.
i am happy without you but do i want to be happy?
happy is boring.
happy doesn't sell.
i'm not even sure what the newspaper said this week about us, i'm not even sure i'd want to read it.
it all ends up in the gutter anyway, or in a bird's nest as filler.
they are all watching, judging, preying/praying and making a life of their own out of those that do have one.
i feel like throwing up.
do you ever feel like you are a waste of life?
walk in a hospital and think again.
walk in a graveyard and think again.
there are people begging to live another day and you're throwing it around, playing with a match by gasoline.
i didn't love her. i don't love anyone. i never have.
i don't think i ever will. will i?
being in love with someone that doesn't love you back is basically letting them write a book and make the main character you.
it makes you feel like a waste if you're not happy enough being in their life. not being their life.
somewhere along the way strings just started to look better than rings anyway.
there is the comfort of being attached either way.
funny, i know. how someone that talks so much about love can have anything to say when they've never really been in it.