my life is kinda like a nickelback song right now

good at first but then you get sick of it. and sometimes it gets old. but you never change the station when its on anyway.

its alright. i havent felt like myself or anything at all in a while anyway. and was happier that way. blah. im not worried about myself so much right now, more worried about write now. thats what'll always be there anyway if nothing else.

ps- those little voices in the back of your head aren't there to keep you company or to be your conscience, its because your gut instinct is always right even when you dont wanna hear it.

the near extinction of the half dollar piece vs the people struggling to save them

why for some reason life suddenly makes sense after so many years of it not i'll never understand.

no matter what you hear: everyone lies at some point, at some time. not always- but not never. sometimes they won't lie to their wife, to their girlfriend, some people are honest to some and lie to others. it's all about trust- can you trust the person you're being honest to to handle the truth? if you can't, work on that before you get too close to someone and they hate you for lies you were only saying to try to protect what you didn't want to lose. if you risk lying about something to keep it, then you can risk being honest about it. that's something i have learned. in the long run it's easier to be honest if it's something or someone you care about.

another lesson: you shouldn't care if someone hates you. not everyone is liked. think of politions, they are voted in by the majority but not by everyone. think of famous authors, sometimes when you bring one up someone crinkles their nose at the name because they don't like their writing- but YOU do. there is nobody out there that is 100% liked. not even mary poppins.

people let things that other people say and do affect them because they care- it can be an anonymous comment with no baring, truth or backbone to it and it still gets to them, gets under their skin. me, i don't really care and i just avoid places where i'd be subjected to faceless insults on a screen. it's kind of sad you have to hide who you are when you say something on a COMPUTER behind a screen where nobody can punch you for the stupid shit you say but oh well. i think sometimes people are afraid people that like the person they are bashing will hate them for saying it, so they say it anon. makes sense if you think about it- why else would they hide?

it seems like people only hate what they dont understand or cant be. people start to hate what they want but don't or can never have. people hate people that can be what they want to be and have what they have. people hate something that is thrown in their face a lot by others, by screens be it computer or tv. they will pick apart the person thta they hates flaws to feel something other than jealousy and insecurities, to feel like maybe its not so bad they arent them even though the person they hate has something or some things they want. also people hate people that can get more attention than they can, if attention is what they want.

i dunno. i just wish the world was a little more sensible sometimes. i also think my lack of direction is what is leading me down the right path. and anyways, i bet everyone probably thinks by now that i am never going to write a book and it will never be done, but knowing i will do it and prove everyone wrong is what keeps me waking up every day, and sleeping easier at night. having the friends that support me on it doesnt hurt either. im not rushing it, i know it starts soon though and i think that helps not let things get to me too- cause yeah i'll have the last laugh when my book actually makes it to a printer.

love.